absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
