My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
