I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
