Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
