The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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