Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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