hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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