Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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