how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
