Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
