My friends, they love my intelligence
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
