turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
