i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize