I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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