he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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