I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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