Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
