The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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