im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
