WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize