just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
