I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
