And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
