all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
