Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
