i was born a porn star she said
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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