My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
