I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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