just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
not ubering you a puppy
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
