I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
