i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
