Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
