I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
