i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
