How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
