i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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