Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
