update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We need to get me chipped asap
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
