i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
