She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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