guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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