oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
