john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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