hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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