she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
