this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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