toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my shit smells like andre
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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