"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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