A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
