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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
