remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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