i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
