what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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