The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize