i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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