i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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