paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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