Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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