But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
