Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
