Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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