Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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